pink: the philosopher

i've alluded a bit to the fact that my marriage is not in a good place.  i've been separated for right about 6 months now.  that's hard to look at in black and white.  never in a million years would i have ever believed that i would be where i am today.  we both come from intact families- parents who are still married- for more than 40 years.  but, he lost his way.  maybe he never had direction to begin with.  i'm not sure.   i discovered on a painful day in october of last year that most everything i thought to be real, was really a lie.  he had slipped down a dangerous road of self preservation, and it led deeper and deeper into deceit.  he finally self destructed, and all of it came pouring out, like pus from a wound.  oozing, and sticky, hard to look away from, and disgusting to see.  it seared my heart, it changed my life, and my future. my world view, and my family will never ever be the same again.  

healing can be slow. slower than i'd like.  but, i really want to heal from the inside out, not scab up for the immediate relief that later gashes open and pours red and ugly- but really heal.  scarring up with soft, pink flesh that is healthy, strong, a forever reminder of the road i've traveled.  many things contribute to my healing.... and music has been a part.  i adore the artist pink.  i love that she says things many of us are thinking but might be afraid to share.  i know she's edgy, sometimes raw, but i feel like she's authentic.  that means a lot to me.  i don't like flashy, or edgy for sensationalism's sake- but pink is out there.  honestly.  one of her recent songs could have been written by my own hand.  i like to sing it loudly in the car, and let the soothing, healing balm of words carried on melody touch my heart.  the song i love is called simply 'try'.  you can hear it here, on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPtlSF4TlJE 

the lyrics are perfect for me...

try
ever wonder 'bout what he's doin'
how it all turned to lies
sometimes i think that it's better
to never ask why

(chorus)
where there is desire
there is gonna be a flame
where there is a flame 
someones bound to get burned
but just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die
you've gotta get up and try, try, try
you gotta get up and try, try, try

funny how the heart can be deceiving
more than just a couple times
why do we fall in love so easy
even when it's not right

chorus

ever worry that it might be ruined
does it make you wanna cry
when you're out there doin what you're doin
are you just getting by
tell me are you just getting by, by, by

chorus