Showing Up

Usually when I sit down to write, i have some idea of where i'm going to take it.  today- no clue.  my brain is fried, i'm very tired, and i'd like to go to bed.  but i have more work to do, and want to keep writing because part of the struggle as a writer is to just show up. each day.  over and over.  writing.  pouring heart and soul and fluff and deep onto the screen.  splash across with many words in order to mine out the nugget that is waiting in the dark ready to be unearthed.
so today, i write. for writing's sake.

my friend found a job for me to apply for.  i need to get a job, as i need to help support my family now.  it's a writing job, right here in my town, and i am qualified for it.  my paralysis comes from the actual resume writing.  how i wish i could just write an essay about how i'd be the best suited for the job... given the chance to weave words around my story and let them see my heart and strengths.  unfortunately for me, resumes are intended to be an at-a-glance look at who i am and what i have to offer.  so, my writing to impress the people at the writing job will have to be succinct and strong.  i pray i can do it. 

just yesterday i timidly told God that i wanted to write.  i wanted to be able to support my family with words, but that i recognized that it sounds frivolous and far fetched.  easier to call myself a waitress, or a receptionist... those are tangible things.  writing is open ended.. has no real boundaries... anyone can claim to be a writer- so, it's frightening to think that by the use of language that i might be able to feed my children.  i said i wanted to write, but i knew that if i am able to, it will be by his hand.  he will have to open doors and shine the light telling me 'walk this way'.  through fear and doubt, i told him i would write what he would have me write- but to please bring the opportunity.  this morning i awoke to the job ad from my friend.  i love those moments. the ones with the big flashing arrows that point the way.  i realize that this might not be my job in the end, but i don't think it a coincidence that i asked for opportunity and hours later one was laid in my lap.

i'll keep you posted. i need to stop stalling and work on my resume.  glad i was given a shove.