you matter

i went to the movies today.  it was a matinee in a small theater here in my small town. i got there a bit early, and was all alone for about 10 minutes while previews played.  then a mother and her teen daughter came in.  they were a bit loud and silly and they sat across the aisle and to my left.  the daughter seemed to be animated, but not overly so.

a few more people came in, found seats, scrolled through their phones,and chatted as they waited for the show to start.  the daughter was a little chatty, but while i thought she was a little loud, i wasn't offended in any way.  as the previews ended and the movie began, the two women who had sat in front of the girl and her mom made a show of getting up and moving- and sat behind me.

they were annoyed with the girl, and were frustrated that she was making noise during the movie.   instead of extending grace, they made it obvious to everyone that they were annoyed.
i was heartbroken.
i had noticed very quickly that the girl was a little different.  if i had to guess, i would place her on the autism spectrum.  her behavior was normal to me as i live with kids who are on the spectrum.  she wasn't overly loud, she wasn't always loud, and i wasn't annoyed with her at all- just aware of her.  i knew that when those women moved, that there must have been a reaction of some sort in the heart of the mother... who was being a great mom by bringing her daughter to the movies to spend time with her.  the girl was excited, and engaged with the story, and while she had to be shushed by her mother several times during the show, she was never offensive, or over the top in any way.  in fact, her innocence and gaiety was pleasing to me.  the entire time i was at the showing, i was distracted because i knew that the mother had noticed the actions of the other women.  i know from experience that my child's behavior in public might not always be "appropriate" and yet, it's also not always "appropriate" for me to share that with strangers surrounding us who are staring and judging.  i've learned after a decade with a special needs child, that ultimately the judgement of strangers matters little in my life story and well being, but sometimes it still stings.
as the movie ended, the girl jumped to her feet and clapped wildly.  she told her mother in a very loud whisper that "you stand and clap when you like the movie!"  i smiled at her excitement.  

i stood up and walked towards the two of them. i looked the mother in the eye and just said- 'you're doing a great job mama.'  i rubbed her arm and turned to walk away.  she had been a bit embarrassed and looked down, but i was thankful for the chance to speak to her, if only for a moment.

the reality is that all of us have struggles. some of us are good at hiding them, and others of us can't hide them. this sweet girl did nothing wrong..... and yet the women in front of her were more concerned with their own comfort than pausing to think that maybe the noise wasn't meant to be offensive.  i was glad i had been there to speak to the mother, not because i am anything wonderful, but because i know from experience how a word of encouragement can spare me from unnecessary pain.  i would encourage you to follow that voice that prompts you to smile at the mom who is pushing the cart with a screaming toddler, or to say hello to the elderly man in line behind you checking out with his sardines and toilet paper.  to bend over to pick up the piece of paper that the lady walking ahead of you dropped, or to make eye contact as you hold open the door for the family behind you.  small moments of connection like this make a world of difference... and as someone who has been scraped raw over the last couple of years, i have to tell you that those moments are healing salve to a tender heart.  you absolutely matter.