I mentioned before that I was going through a group on Thursday nights called Stuck- which has been incredible for me, and now I have the amazing privilege of being one of the leaders in a group that meets on Tuesday mornings. It's a study (for lack of a better word) that deals with 'life's hurts, habits and hangups'. I was a bit anxious before we met as I wasn't sure how many women would be in the group. There is a large group of women who come on Tuesday mornings from the community and today we kicked off several new studies- I really thought that our group wouldn't have many commit because the emotional work it will take will be intense.
I was blown away to see 15 women join us, and butterflies settled into my stomach.
The main leader of the group was out of town at a conference today and it was also the first day so it was a bit awkward. After we spent time breaking the ice and going over the rules to protect one another's privacy, we broached the delicate subject of why each of us had come. One by one each woman bravely opened her mouth and shared a tiny piece of her heart. It was a sacred space to be in. Our lives, our history, our struggle and our pain make up the very essence of who we are, and for those women to share part of themselves with the rest of us was a gift.
I have already learned this lesson over the last years, but today was another powerful example that every one of us walking this earth have hurts. If you get the honor of peeking behind the closed doors of someones life, you will always see places where they have been wounded, or felt rejected, or are struggling. Wrestling with other people will always leave you banged up and so all of us have places where we're limping a bit, or possibly even ripped wide open.
It was beautiful to see each woman identify a place or multiple places in her life that needs attention- and so courageous to hear them say it was time to move on from that place of pain. To lay it to rest. To identify it, look at it, walk through the darkness surrounding it, and ultimately leave it behind.
I was talking with a friend yesterday who has walked a very dark road. Through no fault of her own, she was banged up and wounded deeply in her childhood and teen years. Those who should have protected her instead abused her in every way, and she was left with confusion, distrust, and pain I can't begin to imagine. She chose to do the work of stepping into that darkness and face it and she put it to rest. It wasn't easy or fast, and I had the incredible honor of watching her grow, heal, and change over the last 4 years. But she did it. The shame and pain that held her in bondage for so long has dissipated into the wind and she is now left with compassion, grace for herself, and a deep desire to tend to the hearts of others. We were discussing one of her family members and the harmful choices that woman is making. It is a clear situation where this woman is choosing to stay stuck and in pain to avoid the pain of walking through the dark places in order to heal and move on. We all have to make the choice to walk into our dark tunnels on our own time, but I have learned that there are many treasures to be found in the dark; and true healing can't come without walking that dark and ragged path. There is no way around that pain, only the way through, yet we are never alone... God is near to the broken hearted, and I can tell you from personal experience that the grace and beauty that was found there far exceeded the pain of surgery my heart had to go through.
I am excited to be able to be part of a group of women who long for healing. Women who are lacing up their boots in anticipation of walking down a bumpy dark path. Women who are steeling themselves for a painful journey out of bondage and silence. I can't wait to walk this road with them, and love that I get the chance to stand so closely to those who are ready to trust the process. Being with women who long for wholeness is one of most amazing experiences I can think of.
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