New Start

I'm stepping into a new venture today.  I have a life coach.  The way it's come about is pretty amazing, but the end result is that I'm getting time and energy from someone... for no cost.  I'm so humbled and blessed that she chose me.  I have several dreams and ideas that I'd like to see come to fruition, and I could use the help in keeping me focused and aware of what needs to be done.

I struggle with focus.  I tend to be a dreamer... and while I'm not lazy, I do have a hard time getting things pushed through all the way to the end.  I get caught up in the details, or overwhelmed, or distracted, and my best intentions wither and crumple and fall to the ground into the pile of other well meaning ideas.  I'm hopeful that with her accountability and structure, that I can get past the hump of fear and boredom and move into that place where I begin to see fruit come from the things I desire to do.  I want my life to matter.  And I need to provide. To me, those things can coincide.. and I want to make the effort to have that happen.

She had me start with the Myer's Brigg's personality indicator. I've done it multiple times before and have always typed out as an ENFP.  I was curious to see if that would stay true in light of the stress I've been under for so long, or if anything would change.  I wound up still being an ENFP.
If you've never heard of Myer's Brigg's, I would highly encourage you to take the indicator.  It can be found here: http://www.humanmetrics.com  It's an amazing tool to begin to understand yourself more, and why and how you do the things that you do.

In a nutshell ENFP's are:

ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of a cosmic whole. They want to both help and to be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level. This is rarely a problem for the ENFP, as they are outgoing and warm, and genuinely like people. Some ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality.  (Typelogic.com)

I'm interested to see where this goes.  I hope the time spent with her will translate itself into movement forward here in my day to day life.  I'll let you know. 

more than you ever wanted to know.. about ME!

i thought i'd share a little about me!
i don't know about you- but usually when i go to a blog, or when i'm reading a book, i like to scour the 'about me' section.  i like it when there are photos, and i love it when there is more than just a list of "mother, wife, writer, loves coffee'.  i like it when writers add something in the description that tells me a little more about who they are- what they enjoy doing- more than just drinking coffee and reading books.  i already assume that- we're writers.  what would life
 be without the black inkiness of coffee and the sustenance of other people's words?!

like anyone i suppose, there are many layers to me- but i'd love to share just a bit with you.
the obvious is that i'm a mother.  i have four children - my oldest, a son, is 11.  the next in line is also a son and he's almost 8.  third comes the last son, and he is 6.  my baby is a daughter and she is closing in on 5. i've moved out of baby land and into full-on kid world, and parenting life is simultaneously wonderful and the most difficult thing i ever do.  right now, i'm a single mother.  biggest shock of my life.  i've been married for 13 years, still am married, but in october of last year, a day changed my life forever.  due to a series of challenging events, my husband expunged information he had been hiding for our entire relationship.  news that i never dreamed was sitting below the surface.  news that continued to trickle out over the next almost 5 months as i withstood wave after wave of pain and grief.  we aren't living together.  i don't know what the future holds.  many things are unknown right now, but i am here, doing the work, being present.  learning to function in a role i never wanted or expected i'd be filling.  but i'm proud of myself.

my sons seem to have some struggles.  my oldest is diagnosed with asperger's syndrome (on the autism spectrum) as well as adhd.  my middle son looks like he is probably on the spectrum as well- we see a specialist next week- and my youngest son is absolutely adhd.  my daughter?  she's  just sassy and hyper.  i used to be judgemental about families with multiple children struggling with mental/behavioral/emotional difficulties.  i made assumptions about the parents that sting me now.  the reality is, nothing i've done has caused this.  and nothing i do can 'fix' it. my sons are amazing people, and they are also complicated, and challenging.  some days are pure chaos from the overwhelming sensory needs, social misunderstandings, and brain struggles.  i'll talk more on this as time goes by.

my husband was a marine- so for my entire marriage, i was a military wife.  i have friends scattered all over the world, and miss the marine corps with all of my heart.  it's a special family, and after 13 years, i'm sad that we're no longer a part of it. 

by myer's briggs standards, i'm an enfp.  look it up if you don't know what that means- it's good stuff.  basically that means that i think too much, i am sometimes loud, emotional, hyper, not so organized, creative, fun, moody... to list a few. 

i'm 35- and not afraid to admit that.  while it's going entirely too fast, i'm not embarrassed of my age, and not overly afraid of aging.  i'm proud of who i'm becoming- and that has taken time.  prayerfully in 10 more years, i'll be that much further along in my capability to love, and serve, and grow. 

while i'm not big on astrology, i am a gemini- the twins- meaning i have a 'double personality'- and, i have to admit- it fits.  i simultaneously love anne of green gables, and band of brothers.  i love healthy, green, organic food- and junk food too.  i like to read deep, educational books, and adore lots of reality tv. maybe all of that balances me out.  yeah, let's go with that.

i'm honest. i say things that sometimes make people squirm.  i ask hard questions. i love fiercely, have a quick temper (which makes me sad), and am learning how to really cry.  i like makeup and dresses, but love to hike and get dirty.  i can be flaky, but there's nothing i love more than a conversation that dives into the deep- emotionally, theologically, and topically.  i like to be with people, but i also love alone time. 

that's enough for now.  if you stay, you'll learn more.  my heart will begin to fill up the screen again.  i used to blog.  daily.  for about 4 years.  i loved interacting with my readers, and hope that i can build some of that again.  i aim to speak about hard things- my separation, God, parenting, mental illness, but i also hope to share silly things too. write to me- tell me who you are.  i love to meet new people.
much love my fellow storm dwellers!
-H